for the LOVE of NUMBERS

i like numbers.
hmmm.... i used to love numbers.
i could still remember those days when i was so hooked-up solving math problems.
well, most people think that math sucks.
but for me, it was sort of a relaxation and i enjoyed the feeling of natural euphoria when i arrived the right answer after the very long equation and solution.

...those younger days when i used to help our store, and i was assigned to give change to the customers. my parents were amazed that i was able give the exact/right  change...they find it cute...that their little daughter already know how to add and subtract at a very young age... well, just those very basic M.D.A.S. thing...okay.

it was then they knew that our store won't be lugi (bankcrupted) hehehe... ^_^

that's the start of my "affair" with MATH.
that's the beginning of my PASSION FOR NUMBERS.

... those days when our elementary teacher forced us to memorize the multiplication table at the back of our notebook. i actually didn't like it. until i discovered the "secret logic" behind it..... one thing also inspired me to become "obsessed" about math were the teachers who were so passionate to teach students. they're very patient to let the struggling ones to catch up.
... those days when i joined math quiz bee...it was challenging but i had fun.
... and during high school days when algebra was introduced. we all had hard time about it. but my interest just got intense... and it would take me until dawn just to solve a single math problem.

and at that moment, i knew that math and i shared this certain nice “vibes"
... that's the reason why i took up ENGINEERING in college...

yeah... FOR THE LOVE OF NUMBERS.

but things were not that smooth and easy.
i was just so naive then. i didn't have a glimpse where would it lead. i just followed what i liked doing... solving math problems.


differential, integral, probability,statistics, even higher ECE math were okay for me......
but the succeeding ones have given me vertigo...and heartaches.
little did i know that the already complicated turned  shitty...
i just lost interest. period.

...i got discouraged. 

...the environment was different. it was tiring.
...there's no more dedicated professors to look up to.
...the approach was different. a lot of external factors also contributed. i don't know. for some reason, it just sucks.
i hate electronics. i just loved math. period.
my so called passion turned out to be a "heavy task" that needed to be done. my heart wasn't there any longer. the only target was just to pass.
i didn't give-up...i've gone this far... I COULD NOT afford give up... that's all.


where have the passion gone? i don't know...
thankfully, i've made it.

but my strong passion for numbers has just died.
a part of "me" has died as well.
so, i just let it rest in peace...  for now.
amen.