" i guess i could be pretty pissed-off about what happened to me...
but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world.
sometimes i feel like i'm seeing it all at once.... and it's too much!!!
my heart fills up like a balloon... that's about to burst!!!
and then i remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it.
and then it flows through me like rain... and i can't feel anything but gratitude
for every single moment of my stupid little life...
you have no idea what i'm talking about, i'm sure.
but don't worry...... you will someday. "
April 20, 2008
Beauty & Madness
March 29, 2008
think again.
i wish it was just a bad dream.
a nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
nobody wanted that to happen.
.
.
so, you think you all know everything about what happened that time....?????
.
.
think again.
a nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
nobody wanted that to happen.
.
.
so, you think you all know everything about what happened that time....?????
.
.
think again.
December 12, 2007
impossible is nothing
IMPOSSIBLE is just a big word
thrown by small men who find it easier
to live in the world they've been given
than to explore the power they have to change it.
IMPOSSIBLE IS NOT A FACT.
IT'S AN OPINION.
IMPOSSIBLE IS NOT A DECLARATION.
IT'S A DARE.
impossible is potential.
impossible is temporary.
.
IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING.
thrown by small men who find it easier
to live in the world they've been given
than to explore the power they have to change it.
IMPOSSIBLE IS NOT A FACT.
IT'S AN OPINION.
IMPOSSIBLE IS NOT A DECLARATION. IT'S A DARE.
impossible is potential.
impossible is temporary.
.
IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING.
October 27, 2007
indie.....indenial?
Last Monday night, after work, my officemates and i stayed for a while to witness a garden wedding at the golf course.The three of us were NOT actually related/connected to the couple.
So you see, we were merely plain SPECTATORS... standing at the far side.
the weather was perfect. the set-up was elegant with strictly all-WHITE motif.
the bride looked simple yet so beautiful...the groom looked neat, tall, and handsome.
the ceremony started... with a heavenly chant.... then, the bride walked slowly...
this is it.
"Please, don't let this feeling end,
It's everything I am,
Everything I wanna be..."
The three of us felt like we were "swallowed" by that romantic moment.
i got chills.
So you see, we were merely plain SPECTATORS... standing at the far side.
the weather was perfect. the set-up was elegant with strictly all-WHITE motif.
the bride looked simple yet so beautiful...the groom looked neat, tall, and handsome.
the ceremony started... with a heavenly chant.... then, the bride walked slowly...
this is it.
"Please, don't let this feeling end,
It's everything I am,
Everything I wanna be..."
The three of us felt like we were "swallowed" by that romantic moment.
i got chills.
Kath: hala Zhands... naunsa man na imong mata???
Ma'am Yvette: Oo nga... ba't parang teary eyed ka???
Me: Wala uy! Kamo jud! (a little embarassed)
Ma'am Yvette: It's okay to cry dear...
duh!! why should i??! for no reason??? they were both teasing me.
hmmmm..... okay...... so i got teary eyed..... a BIT.
it was INVOLUNTARY..... (pakshyeeet!!! bakyeeet???!!)
i'm NOT a "love song fan-kind of person"
and i didn't even know its title!
but for some reason, i was caught off guard...and it somehow struck me.
We decided not to finish the ceremony.
i went home..... and sleep.
"Please, don't let this feeling end,
It might not come again,
And I want to remember..."
it's only now that i happen to know the title.
".....Looking through the eyes of love."
Well, it's a good thing that i'm home... for now, i'll just sleep on this.
Zzzzzzzz...... ; p
September 30, 2007
refresh
things are quite going well these days.
i have picked up the pieces... starting to live one day at a time.
...i deserve this.
... i'm loving it!!!!! cheers!!! ^_^
current mood: happy, elated
current theme song for my self:
TODAY
(by: Smashing Pumpkins)
Today is the greatest
Day I've ever known
Can't live for tomorrow
Tomorrows much too long
I burn my eyes out
Before I get out
I wanted more
Than life could ever grant
Bored by the chore
Of saving face
Today is the greatest
Day I have ever known
Can't wait for tomorrow
I might not have that long
I'll tear my heart out
Before I get out
Today is the greatest
Today is the greatest day
Today is the greatest day
That I have ever known.
August 23, 2007
for the LOVE of NUMBERS
i like numbers.
hmmm.... i used to love numbers.
i could still remember those days when i was so hooked-up solving math problems.
well, most people think that math sucks.
but for me, it was sort of a relaxation and i enjoyed the feeling of natural euphoria when i arrived the right answer after the very long equation and solution.
...those younger days when i used to help our store, and i was assigned to give change to the customers. my parents were amazed that i was able give the exact/right change...they find it cute...that their little daughter already know how to add and subtract at a very young age... well, just those very basic M.D.A.S. thing...okay.
it was then they knew that our store won't be lugi (bankcrupted) hehehe... ^_^
that's the start of my "affair" with MATH.
that's the beginning of my PASSION FOR NUMBERS.
... those days when our elementary teacher forced us to memorize the multiplication table at the back of our notebook. i actually didn't like it. until i discovered the "secret logic" behind it..... one thing also inspired me to become "obsessed" about math were the teachers who were so passionate to teach students. they're very patient to let the struggling ones to catch up.
... those days when i joined math quiz bee...it was challenging but i had fun.
... and during high school days when algebra was introduced. we all had hard time about it. but my interest just got intense... and it would take me until dawn just to solve a single math problem.
and at that moment, i knew that math and i shared this certain nice “vibes"
... that's the reason why i took up ENGINEERING in college...
yeah... FOR THE LOVE OF NUMBERS.
but things were not that smooth and easy.
i was just so naive then. i didn't have a glimpse where would it lead. i just followed what i liked doing... solving math problems.
differential, integral, probability,statistics, even higher ECE math were okay for me......
but the succeeding ones have given me vertigo...and heartaches.
little did i know that the already complicated turned shitty...
i just lost interest. period.
...i got discouraged.
...the environment was different. it was tiring.
...there's no more dedicated professors to look up to.
...the approach was different. a lot of external factors also contributed. i don't know. for some reason, it just sucks.
i hate electronics. i just loved math. period.
my so called passion turned out to be a "heavy task" that needed to be done. my heart wasn't there any longer. the only target was just to pass.
i didn't give-up...i've gone this far... I COULD NOT afford give up... that's all.
where have the passion gone? i don't know...
thankfully, i've made it.
but my strong passion for numbers has just died.
a part of "me" has died as well.
so, i just let it rest in peace... for now.
amen.
hmmm.... i used to love numbers.
i could still remember those days when i was so hooked-up solving math problems.
well, most people think that math sucks.
but for me, it was sort of a relaxation and i enjoyed the feeling of natural euphoria when i arrived the right answer after the very long equation and solution.
...those younger days when i used to help our store, and i was assigned to give change to the customers. my parents were amazed that i was able give the exact/right change...they find it cute...that their little daughter already know how to add and subtract at a very young age... well, just those very basic M.D.A.S. thing...okay.
it was then they knew that our store won't be lugi (bankcrupted) hehehe... ^_^
that's the start of my "affair" with MATH.
that's the beginning of my PASSION FOR NUMBERS.
... those days when our elementary teacher forced us to memorize the multiplication table at the back of our notebook. i actually didn't like it. until i discovered the "secret logic" behind it..... one thing also inspired me to become "obsessed" about math were the teachers who were so passionate to teach students. they're very patient to let the struggling ones to catch up.
... those days when i joined math quiz bee...it was challenging but i had fun.
... and during high school days when algebra was introduced. we all had hard time about it. but my interest just got intense... and it would take me until dawn just to solve a single math problem.
and at that moment, i knew that math and i shared this certain nice “vibes"
... that's the reason why i took up ENGINEERING in college...
yeah... FOR THE LOVE OF NUMBERS.
but things were not that smooth and easy.
i was just so naive then. i didn't have a glimpse where would it lead. i just followed what i liked doing... solving math problems.
differential, integral, probability,statistics, even higher ECE math were okay for me......
but the succeeding ones have given me vertigo...and heartaches.
little did i know that the already complicated turned shitty...
i just lost interest. period.
...i got discouraged.
...there's no more dedicated professors to look up to.
...the approach was different. a lot of external factors also contributed. i don't know. for some reason, it just sucks.
i hate electronics. i just loved math. period.
my so called passion turned out to be a "heavy task" that needed to be done. my heart wasn't there any longer. the only target was just to pass.
i didn't give-up...i've gone this far... I COULD NOT afford give up... that's all.
where have the passion gone? i don't know...
thankfully, i've made it.
but my strong passion for numbers has just died.
a part of "me" has died as well.
so, i just let it rest in peace... for now.
amen.
August 2, 2007
weird, crazy, scary?
I recently got a text message form my network provider.
Well, they usually send me these kind of quotes which i didn't even subscribe in to.
but this one somehow got "dramatic" intro to me.
it says:
"Maybe you're just SCARED,
:
because for once in your life,
someone actually wants to be with you...
and have fallen for you"
... oh come’ on... is that something which someone should be scared of???!!
... unless you're like Dr. Gregory House who's uncomfortable with personal connections
... or does my network provider have this sixth sense that they can tell i'm now turning to be like one???! (seriously??!) ahahaha! ^_^
On the more significant side, the latest national news says that our government is SCARED or worried about us not getting enough rain during this supposed to be RAINY SEASON.
yah know...this could be a sign of DROUGHT...and leads to electricity crisis in our country. and then, this might give the president the EMERGENCY POWER thing (and stuffs like that). which then, leads to SCARE Filipino masses about this power thingy... and blah, blah... etc., etc.
So you see, it's just a normal response that one get SCARED when the "usual" or the EXPECTED thing in a supposed time to happen, DID NOT happen... because there must be something WRONG... that is still UNKNOWN.
but you know what's much scarier???
it's when ZHANDRA actually wakes up pretty much earlier than the usual on regular days. when i say "earlier", it's the time wherein the MOON and the STARS are still hanging up in the sky… and the SUN is having a good night slumber (still on its R.E.M stage)
... maybe, she CANNOT sleep at all ???
Why scary? because times like this make her mind wanders a lot. and tends to OVER ANALYZE some things.
... or maybe, it's NOT that scary at all.
perhaps she just realize that her
"REALITY is much BETTER than her DREAMS"
... hmmmmmm.....interesting... yet BLURRY.
she then wonders which is less scary:
SOMETHING UNEXPECTED HAPPEN,
or SOMETHING EXPECTED DID NOT HAPPEN???
... either way around,
it could bring RELIEF and GRATITUDE
or give HEART BREAK and CRUSH SOMEBODY'S SOUL.
Well, they usually send me these kind of quotes which i didn't even subscribe in to.
but this one somehow got "dramatic" intro to me.
it says:
"Maybe you're just SCARED,
:
because for once in your life,
someone actually wants to be with you...
and have fallen for you"
... oh come’ on... is that something which someone should be scared of???!!
... unless you're like Dr. Gregory House who's uncomfortable with personal connections
... or does my network provider have this sixth sense that they can tell i'm now turning to be like one???! (seriously??!) ahahaha! ^_^
On the more significant side, the latest national news says that our government is SCARED or worried about us not getting enough rain during this supposed to be RAINY SEASON.
yah know...this could be a sign of DROUGHT...and leads to electricity crisis in our country. and then, this might give the president the EMERGENCY POWER thing (and stuffs like that). which then, leads to SCARE Filipino masses about this power thingy... and blah, blah... etc., etc.
So you see, it's just a normal response that one get SCARED when the "usual" or the EXPECTED thing in a supposed time to happen, DID NOT happen... because there must be something WRONG... that is still UNKNOWN.
but you know what's much scarier???it's when ZHANDRA actually wakes up pretty much earlier than the usual on regular days. when i say "earlier", it's the time wherein the MOON and the STARS are still hanging up in the sky… and the SUN is having a good night slumber (still on its R.E.M stage)
... maybe, she CANNOT sleep at all ???
Why scary? because times like this make her mind wanders a lot. and tends to OVER ANALYZE some things.
... or maybe, it's NOT that scary at all.perhaps she just realize that her
"REALITY is much BETTER than her DREAMS"
... hmmmmmm.....interesting... yet BLURRY.
she then wonders which is less scary:
SOMETHING UNEXPECTED HAPPEN,
or SOMETHING EXPECTED DID NOT HAPPEN???
... either way around,
it could bring RELIEF and GRATITUDE
or give HEART BREAK and CRUSH SOMEBODY'S SOUL.
June 28, 2007
sweet resurrection
half a decade of struggles to get "there"
and now, that "there" is finally "here"
i'm relieved, freed, overwhelmed- like a young poet
gazing at the sky, breathing fresh air, tasting every inch of it.
:
wounds are healed and turned into a beautiful scar
to remind me that i have survived and gone this far.
my sweet smiles are once again resurrected
prettier, wittier, stronger… i'm elevated!
:
now, i'm once again hungry for new knowledge and learnings
i'm thirsty to discover inspiration from simple little things.
to meet new interesting people that could touch my life
to explore, seek, find, and be somebody else's light.
:
i'm no longer afraid
to fall, stand up... to fall some more... and finally fly!
and now, that "there" is finally "here"
i'm relieved, freed, overwhelmed- like a young poet
gazing at the sky, breathing fresh air, tasting every inch of it.
:wounds are healed and turned into a beautiful scar
to remind me that i have survived and gone this far.
my sweet smiles are once again resurrected
prettier, wittier, stronger… i'm elevated!
:
now, i'm once again hungry for new knowledge and learnings
i'm thirsty to discover inspiration from simple little things.
to meet new interesting people that could touch my life
to explore, seek, find, and be somebody else's light.
:
i'm no longer afraid
to fall, stand up... to fall some more... and finally fly!
June 12, 2007
sana TAKE-OUT nalang
katatapos ko lang manood ng palabas sa dvd...
actually, di ko na tinapos. sobrang mushy kasi ng storya..
alam ko rin naman ang ending. typical na boy-meets girl-happy-mushy-ending.
eh sila-sila lang naman ang kini-kilig dun.
eh bakit ba? wala ako sa mood para kiligin ngayon noh!
12:30 na pala ng madaling araw.
gusto kong kumain ng mid-night snack.. yung mainit sana na sopas.
so, umalis muna ako saglit ng bahay...
at tumungo ako mag-isa sa 24-hours open na pagkainan...at nag order.
"yes, one congee... buchi...and brewed coffee please..."
dun ako umupo sa gitnang dulo.
habang hinihintay kong lumamig konti ang mainit na congee.
nahulog yung kutsara ko... kaya tumungo ako sa counter para humingi ng bago..at bumalik sa aking table.
buti pa 'tong kutsara... palaging may tinidor sa tabi.
napatingin ako sa aking harapan.
may isang ale na mag-isa rin. parang walang paki-alam sa mundo..
basta ang alam nya eh lasap na lasap sya sa kanyang pagkain.
buti pa yung siopao nya o... may partner na ketsup.
sa kaliwang table ko naman... may magsing-irog...
na parang pinag-dikit ng glue ang upuan.
eto naman sila o... madaling araw na...
nagsusubuan pa ng kanilang order na noodles.
sinabayan pa talaga ng "it might be you" na music sa back ground.
waaaaaa!!! sabi ko nga wala ako sa mood para sa kilig-kilig na yan noh.
ang gusto ko lang ay kumain... period.
kaya, tumingin nalang ako sa sarili kong mesa.
at nag umpisang kumain ng congee...habang nilalagyan ng iba pang sangkap na pampalasa.
buti pa 'tong toyo... may kasamang patis.
buti pa yung paminta sa gilid ng mesa... may katabing asin.
buti pa 'tong buchi ko... may partner na filling sa loob... kaya matamis.
buti pa 'tong kape ko... may creamer... kaya sakto ang lasa.
waaaaaa!!!! ano ba naman 'to... tigilan nyo ako ha....
so, tumingin nalang ako sa aking kanan... sa glass window.
napansin kong may isang pulang langgam na nilalasap ang kanyang pagkain...
...na mag-isa.
...'yun ang akala ko.
maya-maya lang... may papalapit din na isang langgam.
nag beso-beso pa ang mga ito ng dumating...
at sabay na silang dalawa nagsalo sa pagkain.
:
sheeeeeet naman...
sana nag take-out nalang ako!!!! ^_^
actually, di ko na tinapos. sobrang mushy kasi ng storya..
alam ko rin naman ang ending. typical na boy-meets girl-happy-mushy-ending.
eh sila-sila lang naman ang kini-kilig dun.
eh bakit ba? wala ako sa mood para kiligin ngayon noh!
12:30 na pala ng madaling araw.
gusto kong kumain ng mid-night snack.. yung mainit sana na sopas.
so, umalis muna ako saglit ng bahay...
at tumungo ako mag-isa sa 24-hours open na pagkainan...at nag order.
dun ako umupo sa gitnang dulo.
habang hinihintay kong lumamig konti ang mainit na congee.
nahulog yung kutsara ko... kaya tumungo ako sa counter para humingi ng bago..at bumalik sa aking table.
buti pa 'tong kutsara... palaging may tinidor sa tabi.
napatingin ako sa aking harapan.
may isang ale na mag-isa rin. parang walang paki-alam sa mundo..
basta ang alam nya eh lasap na lasap sya sa kanyang pagkain.
buti pa yung siopao nya o... may partner na ketsup.
sa kaliwang table ko naman... may magsing-irog...
na parang pinag-dikit ng glue ang upuan.
eto naman sila o... madaling araw na...
nagsusubuan pa ng kanilang order na noodles.
sinabayan pa talaga ng "it might be you" na music sa back ground.
waaaaaa!!! sabi ko nga wala ako sa mood para sa kilig-kilig na yan noh.
ang gusto ko lang ay kumain... period.
kaya, tumingin nalang ako sa sarili kong mesa.
at nag umpisang kumain ng congee...habang nilalagyan ng iba pang sangkap na pampalasa.
buti pa 'tong toyo... may kasamang patis.
buti pa 'tong buchi ko... may partner na filling sa loob... kaya matamis.
buti pa 'tong kape ko... may creamer... kaya sakto ang lasa.
waaaaaa!!!! ano ba naman 'to... tigilan nyo ako ha....
so, tumingin nalang ako sa aking kanan... sa glass window.
napansin kong may isang pulang langgam na nilalasap ang kanyang pagkain...
...na mag-isa.
...'yun ang akala ko.
maya-maya lang... may papalapit din na isang langgam.
nag beso-beso pa ang mga ito ng dumating...
at sabay na silang dalawa nagsalo sa pagkain.
:
sheeeeeet naman...
sana nag take-out nalang ako!!!! ^_^
May 28, 2007
catch 22
A good friend of mine suddenly keep in touch.
after how many years, finally,we had an update on each other's lives.
the original plan was to just have merienda and watch movie.
but we realized that time wasn't enough...and we just kept talking...and talking.
so we cancelled the movie...which until now i'm dying to watch!
[ oh my ever pirate... Johnny Depp! (^^,)* ]
Me: sus uy...you're still talkative and jolly...
you look glowing. you don't look stressed-out noh!
Kara: yeah, maybe because i'm composed...but i am stressed.
Me: ako pa siguro...mukhang stressed!
thank God it's new chapter at last!
but yah know...i'm still in the midst of picking up the pieces
Kara: same dilemma jud diay ta karon noh?
don't worry, we will soon be back on track.
---
Me: so, howz your love life diay?
Kara: wala jud koy panahon ana noh!
Me: sus! unsaon nalang ni...
when we're finally ready...all good guys are taken already by that time!
Kara: bitaw noh... matrona na ang labas nako ani puhon...
as they say... we will be left with good guys who have no money!
Me: ikaw jud...
no...we will be left with good guys...who have money... but are gays!
Kara: hehehe... old maid nalang ko uy!
then, hanap ko boylet when that happens.
Me: ala- Madam Auring nalang ba??! hehehe
---
Me: i could still remember you were foreseen by the batch
as a future lawyer or politician.
Kara: bitaw noh... hayyyy... those days.
Me: lagi...you're very outspoken regarding social issues
you talk like Miriam Defensor Santiago pa jud! remember?? hehe...
Kara: i want to try something different
Me: so, you won't pursue law school anymore??!
Kara: it's complicated... you, what you wanna pursue?
Me: (silent....)
---
Me: so, soul- searching ka rin pala?!
unsa-on man diay na...?
Kara: maybe you just think what you really want to do.
wherein you see meaning on it.
Me: may signs ba yan when you found it?
Kara: maybe.
:
-------> it's funny to think that, at that time, we're like two little girls gazing at the sky... waiting for the rainbow to come after the rain.
after how many years, finally,we had an update on each other's lives.
the original plan was to just have merienda and watch movie.
but we realized that time wasn't enough...and we just kept talking...and talking.
so we cancelled the movie...which until now i'm dying to watch!
[ oh my ever pirate... Johnny Depp! (^^,)* ]
our quotable quotes:
Kara: kabalo ka...i have so many probs right now.
my life is so stressful!
Me: sus uy...you're still talkative and jolly...
you look glowing. you don't look stressed-out noh!
Kara: yeah, maybe because i'm composed...but i am stressed.
Me: ako pa siguro...mukhang stressed!
thank God it's new chapter at last!
but yah know...i'm still in the midst of picking up the pieces
Kara: same dilemma jud diay ta karon noh?
don't worry, we will soon be back on track.
---
Me: so, howz your love life diay?
Kara: wala jud koy panahon ana noh!Me: sus! unsaon nalang ni...
when we're finally ready...all good guys are taken already by that time!
Kara: bitaw noh... matrona na ang labas nako ani puhon...
as they say... we will be left with good guys who have no money!
Me: ikaw jud...
no...we will be left with good guys...who have money... but are gays!
Kara: hehehe... old maid nalang ko uy!
then, hanap ko boylet when that happens.
Me: ala- Madam Auring nalang ba??! hehehe
---
Me: i could still remember you were foreseen by the batch
as a future lawyer or politician.
Kara: bitaw noh... hayyyy... those days.
Me: lagi...you're very outspoken regarding social issues
you talk like Miriam Defensor Santiago pa jud! remember?? hehe...
Kara: i want to try something different
Me: so, you won't pursue law school anymore??!
Kara: it's complicated... you, what you wanna pursue?
Me: (silent....)
---
Me: so, soul- searching ka rin pala?!
unsa-on man diay na...?
Kara: maybe you just think what you really want to do.
wherein you see meaning on it.
Me: may signs ba yan when you found it?
Kara: maybe.
:
-------> it's funny to think that, at that time, we're like two little girls gazing at the sky... waiting for the rainbow to come after the rain.
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