senti....friday...

whenever Friday comes, i have this certain thrill within. probably because, when it comes, it means that week-end is coming and you can unwind.

but one thing which makes me excited during Fridays it's because of the FRIDAY MADNESS of Killer Bee... i'm happy whenever i hear them play 90's music...

i get sentimental...

it's the 90's songs remind me of the days when i was much younger...full of dreams..very much driven... i was looking forward for the days ahead.. full of enthusiasm to get what i want in life. those were the days when i hardly notice times slip so fast.. because i was enjoying what i was doing... i was very focused and had this strong goal. it's nice if you're doing what you want and at the same time earn from it.

unlike now, things are really complicated.

i really don't know why it's happening... it's like never ending struggle...gone to waste!

you know the feeling of you really want to do something for you to grow, learn different things which interest you and stir your brain... give you insights, wisdom, and at the same time be a better person and reach for your dreams?

but the more you're trying to move, you realize that some things are dragging you down. it was then you realize that you're lost.

things are ugly…had i known that it would be like this, i would be somewhere.


seriously, i'm in a very slow pacing circumstances.
and honestly, may panghihinayang ako sa sarili ko at this moment...

i could've been better in some things...develop & use my potentials...in some places best for me...


::: today is friday, and i really feel so senti this day...while having the 90's music on the background, reminiscing the past...when things were still great.... i can't help it but cry.  i can't be angry anymore...for the pain is too real that it makes me so  NUMB.
i wish that i'll just cry so hard... turned NUMB, and the numbness will make me INVINCIBLE. all things that's happening at the moment are "bi-polar"... which means i'm either in extreme happiness...or extreme sadness.

yes, i can take the extreme pain at the moment, for i know that the coming days would be different..

yes, i will cry hard now... until my tear ducts ran dry...even up to a point when i get dehydrated from the gallons of tears that i shed.

and soon after that, it would be sun shiny bright... extreme glory.

amen to that.

a tribute to all "DONG" & "DAY"

when i tried chatting on the MiRC (many years ago, i had this conversation that i cannot forget. so our chat conversation goes like this:

the chatter: hi ctc?
me: sure...asl plz..

the chatter: 21/ m / manila.. u?
me: 18 f davao
the chatter: bye. KATULONG!!!
me: wat??? wat do u mean?
the chatter: im not interested. u r a visayan. katulong in short.
me: you narrow-minded moron! so what if i'm a visayan??! it doesn't mean that im a katulong.
the chatter: our household helpers are all visayan.. "opo koya!" hehehehehe....
me: damn it! ur not just insulting me but the whole mindanaoans & visayans as well!!
the chatter: gtg katulong! better do your chores. "opo koya!" hahahahaha...
me: FREAK! GO TO HELL! conyo a$$!!!!!!


goodness! nag-init ulo ko dun ha...
so i stopped for a while and think about that. i mean is that really how those people from luzon think if they know that you came from visayas? or worse from mindanao?

::: so, a while ago when i was having a merienda, the t.v. was tuned to an afternoon koreanovela. (i'm not a fan of it).
of course we all know that the actors/actresses originally speak korean and it’s just dubbed tagalog by filipino dubbers. so there was a scene where the house helper was asked by the "amo" about something.
the helper said "baket koya? ako po ang nag loto nyan kanena" (as: “bakit kuya? ako po ang nag luto nyan kanina”)
darn. even on koreanovela, why the helper should have that "visayan" accent??!!

dina-dubbed na nga sa tagalog ang original korean language nila, ganun pa talaga?!


i mean how many times have you seen on television or even in movies that when a house helper or a "buchaha" talks they all have this exaggerated "visayan accent"???!
is this a stereotype that all the visayan are helpers??!

naiinis lang ako dun everytime may nakikita at naririnig akong ganun. it's somehow a little bit offensive, dont you think?

im not against being a house helper or something. in fact i admire them for having a decent job, which infact it is a hard job.
and there's nothing wrong about being visayan/mindanaoan. considering that there are so many great leaders and brilliant people whom we look up to... who are visayan/mindanaoan...countless of them for that matter....after all, we're all the same... living in the same country! i myself is a proud true blue-davaowenya.

it's okay if we sometimes laugh and not make a big deal about some people's articulation imperfections....but NOT to a point of generalizing that all visayans are like "that"... it's just not right....diba, mga dong ug day???

MABUHAY ang mga BISAYA!!! hehehehe....

HO...HO...& HU...HU... holidays

HO...HO...HO...

Yuletide season gives me certain high...
the food…the cold breeze…etc.
i like the feeling of wrapping gifts for our relatives, pamangkins, my mom's inaanak. seeing the faces of those little kids lighten up when they receive simple present gives a pure joy. and of course, the feeling of unwrapping gifts gives a different bliss too. hehe... Christmas and New Year ’s Day were celebrated w/my whole family..relatives...cousins...& friends... we were pigging out, had drinking sessions, having fun,& never slept whole night on both occassions!(^^,)*

HU...HU...HU...
and now... the season has come to an end.
back to do the work that has been long pending! i still have to make our thesis! the whole 5 chapters is assigned to me! and it should be done in like what.....? 2 days!! unbelievable! not to mention, we also have to implement our design project which is really complicated! which i don't like to think about...  but if we can't make it....sorry for us then...argh!!!! (oh God... forbid!) and many other projects on the long queue! tsk,tsk,tsk...
no articles for the school paper,no updates (for a month) on my written personal journal that i've been keeping for years!
house helper is still on vacation...who's gonna clean the house..? who's gonna do the dishes...? the laundry..? eyes on me...huwaaat??! i haven't clean my very own room!!!! my dirty clothes are piled up inside my room! it's a total disaster these days! hehehe...
(opo... manlimpyo lagi ko, Ma...) hehe... ;)
regardless of those things that should be done, what I’m doing now is relaxing... haha! well...i can't really blame my self.. i don't know why i got tired easily...hahay...it's because of the cold weather... and my back aches too! perhaps, the effect of over sleeping?! hehehe...
i wake up at noon...eat my  brunch...dvd marathon…sleep again...wake-up…lakwatsa…. hmmm...i think im becoming a sloth! im aware of that! so, i try drinking a lot of coffee just to keep me awake! it should give me that “kick” but i  guess it never works on me....

well... forget those things for a while (atleast just for this break) 'coz the top list on my new year's resolution is not to be harsh on myself, and  to spoil my self just a little bit more... (so selfless noh? hehehe...)
since this is the year that i've been long anticipating for...
gamay antos nalang jud.... yahoooooo!!!

it's a HO...HO...HO holidays after all...

HAPPY 2007 to all!!!!

"hayop" sa dating!

it was late when i was having a night bath after a long tiring day... when i grabbed the soap dish, i was surprised to find a baby lizard hiding underneath it. the creature was threatened and jump on our empty bath tub! i saw its tail wiggling! i thought I’ve hurt that lizard and cut its tail! poor little creature... lost its tail because of my carelessness.
i felt guilty seeing its cut tail wiggling and turning round and round as if it was looking for its body!!! it's weird that i felt accountable about it...  i didn't know i have sympathy for creatures that don't bother me that much.

anyway, when my mom arrived, i mentioned to her about that. and she told me that i might not have cut the lizard's tail at all! she said that it's an animal instinct of lizards to disconnect its tail to get away from its predator! and that they can still grow back its tail! (maybe some of you already knew about this)!… and i was amaze of this animal/biology fact! (yes, I’m outdated!) hehe...

oh my! i felt like i have missed all those interesting facts like this...because i was/need to be consumed by those tiresome "facts", "theories", blah...blahs....etc.,etc. of some matters I have to to deal with-- which i can't relate to… and don't even care!

Unsolicited lesson: naisip ko tuloy: mabuti pa ang butiki, kahit hayop, interesting din naman pala at may napupulot akong aral... eh ang ibang tao sa paligid-ligid (na parang hayop umasta at  parang  walang pinag-aralan! hmmpp!!)

anyway...so i searched on the internet http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa4128/is_200503/ai_n12412576) and found out more about these interesting stuffs:

Fact#1. Yes, Lizard can disconnect their tails from their bodies when a predator threatens Their tails are built with spaces between the bones where they can break away. It  takes a lot of time and energy for a lizard to grow its tail back, but it's better than being eaten.
Fact #2. A salamander can actually regrow arms, tails, toes, hearts, and parts of their eyes when they lose them.!!!
Fact #3. Lobsters can release entire claws in the hopes of satisfying a hungry predator. Don't worry, they grow back.
Fact# 4. Sea stars can regrow missing arms. Some sea star arms can even grow missing bodies!
Fact# 5. Octopuses can regrow tentacles that have been bitten off by predators. its tentacles have so many nerves that they can continue to crawl around after they become separated from the octopus's body. This distracts and confuses a predator so that the octopus can get away. 

P.S.
Zhandra can also grow back her torn halo and broken wings… (in time…..  ) ;p

smack it!

A couple of hundred years ago,
Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. "Never leave that 'til tomorrow which you can do today" he said. This is the man who discovered electricity.

You think more people would listen to what he had to say.
I don't know why we put things off,
but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure....fear of rejection...

sometimes the fear is just of making a decision,
because what if you're wrong?
What if you're making a mistake you can't undo?

          "The early bird catches the worm."
          "A stitch in time saves nine."
          "He who hesitates is lost."
We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs... heard the philosophers... heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time,
heard those poets urging us to seize the day.

Still, sometimes we have to see for ourselves.
     * We have to make our own mistakes.
      * We have to learn our own lessons.
We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore.
Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant.
That knowing is better than wondering... that waking is better than sleeping,
and even the biggest failure... even the worst...
BEAT THE HELL OUT OF NEVER TRYING.

P.S.
i got this long quote from -Dr.Grey (yah know..from that series)
i guez this makes a lot of sense, ayt? =)                      happy halloween!
                                                                           

DEAD END signs...

" i like DEAD END signs...
  i think they're kind...
  they at least have the decency
  to let you know that you're going nowhere..."
                                 -Bugs Bunny

this quote was sent to me from a friend.
i think it was quoted from bugs bunny
(yah...the "watz up doc??" cartoon character)

well, i thought about it for a while and said to my self na
"oo nga 'no.. sana may Dead End signs nalang din wherever road you go even in your life's journey... at least even in afar, you can see that you're going nowhere..
at least may time ka pa to change route... and you won't be wasting your time to go ahead even if  DEAD End na pala patutunguhan mo..."

oo nga naman... "DEAD END signs have the DECENCY to let you know that you're going nowhere..." but what if you've gone that far already...???!!
you know that the road you've chosen is dead end for you.
(in the first place, you know that you shouldn’t be there!!!)
you know that you're lost...yet you still keep on going... and goin'...
'til you realized that you've wasted so much of your time and energy...
and everything is so wasted!!

nakakainis 'yung ganun'!!! (it's soooooo sickening!!!)

you can't shift gear...turn around and change your route...  too late for you!
the only thing you can do is finish what you've started and hope that
after you've arrived in that DEAD END sign.... somewhere beside that sign, there's a little alternative road towards your destination... a destination that you've been long anticipating for...

who knows... there really is!
a short cut road to a place WHERE YOU REALLY SHOULD BE...

i need to BREATHE this OUT!!!

i could think a thousand and one reasons why i should

quit, and go somewhere….i wonder why i've gone this far…

i always say to my self that i deserve much better than these crap that’s been going around... I always wanted go away... but I have to keep going and finish what I have started… though i’m stagnant!

perhaps, it all started with a wrong decision.

…. wrong choice, wrong place, wrong people around me!

and everything else follows...

::: like how would you feel if you are stuck in a room full of morons who are unethical, uncivilized, narrow-minded a**holes???! who does not even know how to RESPECT!

and for crying out loud, they are even rejoicing for their attitude-- terrible!!!

::: as i looked around in that four-cornered room,

i asked myself: am i in an institution handled by nuns??

or am in hell full of demons around??!

i'm surrounded by undomesticated beasts who are dreadful!

i should've known this earlier...!

::: (nevertheless, outside from that four-cornered room is different…it’s much better)

there are decent human beings… who also have these distresses caused by those beasts

they just choose to shut their mouths as for the moment...but deep inside they also have angst like what i have... waiting to explode!

those ghastly creatures are unbearable!

i'd like to stick my finger on my throat and vomit  on their nasty faces.

but my stomach is too NUMB to react… and it says it's not even worth it

::: im not perfect. do i sound so mean??!

it's nothing compared to what these creatures have caused me. so much  aggravation ,annoyance, anger, pain... tears have been shed… and this time around, not a single drop will fall…ever again! emotional damages have been done… i’m NUMB.

::: no, it's not HATRED that i feel....it's A-P-A-T-H-Y. :::

Dear God,

there are so many things that I am so grateful for.

everything is doing well except for this.

but I know, all of these have reasons.

I can’t wait few months from now…

For sure it would really be far from what’s been going around.

it would be brighter…where I can really take a deep breath.

Thanks for those creatures anyway.

if not for them, I wouldn’t become a much stronger person as what I am now.

if not for them I won’t be able to appreciate and value simple things

if not for them, I won’t be able to distinguish real people from monsters

nocturnal illusions

All that we see or seem is but a dream within reality.
Reality is a momentary dream,
but a dream is a reality for an eternity. 

Humans can never see themselves as another see them.
Humans can never really understand their own feelings.
Human emotions are like labyrinth
that go on being reflected like mirrors for eternity.

the reward of pain is experience....... love and hatred.
what you see is not everything.
truth is made of different things.
there are as many truths as there are people.
what happened in the past makes a person what they are now.
some people are trapped in the past and some are lost.
face it and come to grip with it through  internal strength.

bitter & romantic coffee

(something to think about)

         

COFFEE
the blackness that its nature conceals
whether it’s sugared or not.
and unless you allow it through your puckered lips
and slightly burn the tip of your tongue,
chances are you can never guess


something to smile about) 

ROMANTIC COFFEE LINES:


Me:         "You're stupid and rich.....and i'm smart and poor."
The PRINCE:      "What the hell makes you so smart ?"
Me:         " 'Coz i wouldn't go out for a coffee with you..."
The PRINCE:       "What makes you think i'll ask you out?"
Me:           "Now, that's what makes you stupid...... "

new day begins...

it had been tough days for me.(read:STRESSED-OUT)
thank God it doesn't show that much on my face!
thanks to the good genes that i got from my MOM ('',)

there are lots  of "what ifs" that i can think of.
things could have been different.
--> but what can you do? got to deal with them.

it's just making it more visible that the real people who have been at my side, will always be there no matter what.
it's also surprising to find those whom i've just taken for granted are just there...    waiting for me... to come again.
sweet.

heck, i can still do whatever craziness that i can think about.
'coz i know that even if it turned out the other way around,
i'd still be able to stand up & learn from it.
and those people will just be there..... always.
--> 'coz new day begins......(^^,)*

                   words to live by:
          " we lose to gain, surrender to win,
            die to live, give to recieve,
            serve to reign, scatter to reap.
            in weakness we are made strong,
            in humility we are lifted,
            in emptiness we are made full. "