Inside-Out

Inside-Out
(Eve 6)

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rhines
But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside
I would swallow my doubt turn it inside out
find nothing but faith in nothing
Want to put my tender heart in a blender
Watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous then Im through with you

I burn burn like a wicker cabinet
chalk white and oh so frail
I see our time had gotten stale
The tick tock of the clock is painful
All sane and logical
I want to tear it off the wall
I hear words and clips and phrases
I think sick like ginger ale
My stomach turns and I exhale

So cal is where my mind states
but its not my state of mind
Im not as ugly sad as you
Or am I origami
Folded up and just pretend
demented as the motives in your head

Rendezvous then Im through with you.

coffee & my insanity

coffee in the morning used to give me this certain
"kick" to start-up my day.
i want it to be really black and strong for me to  be awake the whole day, and do all the things that  keeps me happy and alive.

but i stopped drinking coffee for almost a year now.
i can't drink coffee.
not anymore.
it keeps me awake all night.
and i'd end-up being depressed.
that's why, i need to be really busy, and consume all my time for whatever.
so that at the end of the day i'd be tired and can go to sleep.

no time to think for that... ghastly incident.
it still pains me.

".......if only sanity could be awakened by a shot 
of ESPRESSO "

but then, i can’t drink coffee.
not anymore.
perhaps not now.

'coz im getting INSANE.

Greatest View

i'm a grown-up lady now,
i can take care of myself.
i'm striving for independence.
for me to stand on my own feet.

but sometimes,
i still need someone to look after me,
to guide me.
someone who can manage my tantrums.
and still finds me... adorable (?)

i'm currently listening to Silverchair:
        "I'm watching you watch over me....
        and I've got the greatest view from here"
but then, the greatest view has been long gone.

so, am i really a grown-up?
perhaps NOT .
i sob like a baby now a days.
I'M STILL FOOLISH LIKE A CHILD.

...and i think i'm becoming a CYNIC.
darn.

Nights in Rodanthe

I've been waiting for months to see this movie!
and then it came, i struggle for the last minute and called up the cinema to ask if it would be extended for next week, but it won't be.

so i hurried down to the theater after work, only to find out that the cinemas were closed for a seminar. grrrr..so i went to another mall. there... at last.

Nights in Rodanthe is an unashamedly romantic and likable drama about love, loss, and second chances...
a.) it's based on Nicholas Sparks novel.
b.) Richard Gere is still handsome! =)

i cried 4+1 bucket of tears... inside the cinema. hahaha! shame.

it's tag line is:
"it's never too late for second chances..."

but then again for me,
sometimes there would never be second chances anymore.
maybe not now.... maybe not ever.
tragic.
sad.


my favorite line:
"there is a different kind of love, when it gives you the courage to be better than you are, not lesser than you are. Makes you feel anything is possible...."
---->   (asa pa ako??? ha!)

what a tearjerker film.
im still sobbing.
darn. 

emotions- waste basket

cassette tapes
cds
                  candy wrappers
                  gift wrappers
breadboard
uv meter
                  letters
                  notes
notebooks
books
                  coffee
                  cigarette butts
slippers
stilletos
- - -
still there.....all cluttered...
could it find its way to emotions- waste basket?

3 Libras

3 Libras

(a perfect circle)

Threw you the obvious
And you flew with it on your back
A name in your recollection
Down among a million same.

Difficult not to feel a little bit
Disappointed and passed over
When I look right through,
See you naked but oblivious.

..... And you don't see me

But I threw you the obvious
Just to see if there's more behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel,
Eyes of a tragedy.

Here I am expecting just a little bit
Too much from the wounded
But I see, see through it all
See through... see you.

'Cause I threw you the obvious
To see what occurs behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel,
Eyes of a tragedy.

Oh well, oh well
Apparently nothing,
Apparently nothing at all.

You don't, you don't
You don't see me...

You don't, you don't
You don't see me at all.

08--08--08

after a long time,
I'm back atlast.
from Beijing....
to watch the opening of Olympics
last Aug. 08, 2008 (or  08-08-08)

kidding....

nah.... we were just having a delusion that we're in Beijing, China.
(nag asu-asu mi with officemate tungod sa Olympics... hayyy...)

on the 10th day of the month, i also attended the wedding of my cousin at Bukidnon.
it wasn't a typical wedding. it's very unique.

the couple were both missionaries...so there were many foreign missionaries... and native- "lumad" guests)

as always...i was a bride's maid.

gad, why do i always get teary eyed whenever the bride walks on the aisle?!!  :,(


the way the groom looked at the eyes of my cousin...seems like his eyes were telling that he's the luckiest man on earth to have her! they were both locked in that magical moment... with saxophone playing on the back ground... (sigh......) 

Snap! back on reality.

i found myself on the seat with other bride's maids.

the pastor smiled and tap my shoulder....
and he said:

"Congratulations, you're the next bride!" 

Huwaaaaatt???!!!!!

i was dumbfounded.

shocked.

how could he say that??!
where did his "prophecy" came from???!

he doesn't even know me.

tsk...tsk...tsk...
so judgmental and assuming.
joke.  (hehehe)

oh well...
so much of that 08-08-08 and the wedding....

all i can say is that:

eight.           eight.           eight.

wait.             wait.            wait.

infinity.         infinity.         infinity.

uncertainty.  uncertainty.  uncertainty.

what dreams may come

it's SUNDAY, and i should be sleeping the whole day  from the saturday night's hang-over.
but, here i am in my office booth staring at the  computer screen with four telephones in front of me!

gone are those weekends when i can sleep all day... drink  all night?    ;p

mondays to fridays = work
saturday                = classes/ school
sunday                  = still at work?!

haha! not only that, im planning to insert  "sports" on my  list.... perhaps biking?

it's been a hard days night... i should be sleeping like a log
it's been a hard day's night... and i've been working  like a dog.

gad, i don’t have rest day anymore!   and why am i fully booked? i don't know..
it's just funny that i am working,
yet in fact, i rarely spend my salary on my "wants"....  (so thrifty?)

perhaps i just NEED to be busy.. really busy... to divert my attentions. yah know.
oh well... maybe it's good for me... maybe it's my unconscious way of coping-up?


for now, i dream of a real good massage before i pass-out.

zzzzzz....

time machine

all i need is a:
.
.
.

TIME MACHINE
.
.
.

TIME.

Chocolates, Smoke, & Decaf

i don't need much of material possessions,
for what good does it bring if at the end of the day you feel empty?

i don't need a glamorous life...
a simple, uncomplicated one with someone i love & care deeply would be enough.




i need to be in control of my time.
        ...‘coz all i have is NOW.
        ...to make things right.
        ...or to just bum around whenever i want to.


i need to escape from the hassles & bustles of life
        ...‘coz i only live once, and i need to regain my sanity.
        ...to just relax- sun bathing, star gazing, & go nature tripping.


i want to be a GYPSY
         ...to be independent...to travel...to wander...and nurture my soul.


i want to be like CHOCOLATES
        ...be sweet, fattening, and elevate those happy hormones all the time.


i want to be like a SMOKE
        ...be carefree, vanish, and be ONE with the wind.



i want to be like a DECAF
         ...be lively, restless, high yet grounded.




i'm a GYPSY.
...and i want to be like CHOCOLATES, SMOKE, and DECAF.