i need to BREATHE this OUT!!!

i could think a thousand and one reasons why i should

quit, and go somewhere….i wonder why i've gone this far…

i always say to my self that i deserve much better than these crap that’s been going around... I always wanted go away... but I have to keep going and finish what I have started… though i’m stagnant!

perhaps, it all started with a wrong decision.

…. wrong choice, wrong place, wrong people around me!

and everything else follows...

::: like how would you feel if you are stuck in a room full of morons who are unethical, uncivilized, narrow-minded a**holes???! who does not even know how to RESPECT!

and for crying out loud, they are even rejoicing for their attitude-- terrible!!!

::: as i looked around in that four-cornered room,

i asked myself: am i in an institution handled by nuns??

or am in hell full of demons around??!

i'm surrounded by undomesticated beasts who are dreadful!

i should've known this earlier...!

::: (nevertheless, outside from that four-cornered room is different…it’s much better)

there are decent human beings… who also have these distresses caused by those beasts

they just choose to shut their mouths as for the moment...but deep inside they also have angst like what i have... waiting to explode!

those ghastly creatures are unbearable!

i'd like to stick my finger on my throat and vomit  on their nasty faces.

but my stomach is too NUMB to react… and it says it's not even worth it

::: im not perfect. do i sound so mean??!

it's nothing compared to what these creatures have caused me. so much  aggravation ,annoyance, anger, pain... tears have been shed… and this time around, not a single drop will fall…ever again! emotional damages have been done… i’m NUMB.

::: no, it's not HATRED that i feel....it's A-P-A-T-H-Y. :::

Dear God,

there are so many things that I am so grateful for.

everything is doing well except for this.

but I know, all of these have reasons.

I can’t wait few months from now…

For sure it would really be far from what’s been going around.

it would be brighter…where I can really take a deep breath.

Thanks for those creatures anyway.

if not for them, I wouldn’t become a much stronger person as what I am now.

if not for them I won’t be able to appreciate and value simple things

if not for them, I won’t be able to distinguish real people from monsters